i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
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Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
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The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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