I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
