I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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