Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I stole a fireplace last night.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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