Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I intend to get homeless drunk
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
