Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
