New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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