is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I have tasted many bathrooms
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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