if you like me you must not know who I am
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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