What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
