I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
