the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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