Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
