just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
