dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
