You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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