I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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