based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
