Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
