Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
