Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
