Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
