so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
