I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
