me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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