Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My bed smells like the plague
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
