I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
