Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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