worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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