i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
