guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
