yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
