How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
