just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
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