Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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