I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
