Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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