well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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