You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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