I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize