I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
