You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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