took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
