he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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