they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
