Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
