im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
