and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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