yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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