I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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