either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Screwed.edu
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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