By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
