yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
