you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
