i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
