Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
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Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
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You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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