he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
