the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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