when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
