sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
