I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
