Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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