I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
