i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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