Heybabeimwearingurpanties
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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