i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
