it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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