ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
