Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
