I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
