I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
