1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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