You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
