u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Small penises have feelings too.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
