I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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