my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The air was thick with penises
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
