I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
