just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
