I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
