He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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